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Sunday, August 20, 2017

Self Care

             Image result for self care gif

 Before my mental illness reached the climax of it’s existence, I always thought self care was about physical care, not mental. I thought of things like, going to the salon, or taking a hot silent bath.  Back then I was right. It was amazing what a fresh coat of nail polish, and 10 minutes of adele could do. Things got different, as they do after having a baby.  A trip to the nail salon left me anxious, uptight, and nauseous. I had no time to take a bath, and I really didn’t want to sit in silence. Silence was scary. 
  I knew I had to take care of myself, or I couldn’t take care of my son. But how? How does one practice self care when your whole world revolves around a baby? I did the typical Pinterest search
        Self Care for Moms.
  Take a soothing bath, listen to music, go get a pedicure, go get a massage, talk with a friend, go to an animal shelter. 
   All of those suggestions made my stomach curl. I didn’t want to be anywhere near other people, or in public. The very idea of stepping out of my comfort zone, or putting on pants actually caused the deepest, soul clenching panic one could imagine. So I sat with my infant, and let my depression, and anxiety build into something massive. 
  As my life progressed, I decided, well my husband actually decided that I need SOMETHING. So I opened my laptop one day and just started writing. I poured out every emotion that I could in the way I knew best. I spared no shameful frustration, or dirty detail- and I mean dirty. I talked about diapers, vomit, tears, and everything in between. After writing a few “essays” if you will I shared one with the ladies I had gotten close with on my BirthBoard. They all laughed, while encouraging me to share more. I love the feeling of making people laugh. It’s almost soul cleansing, knowing that your words or actions can change someones mood. I felt like my essays were relatable, which is why they got a laugh. There was no “perfect parent” talk, or showing off. It was all real moments in our every day life. So every night I carved out at least 30 minutes where I could spill everything I was feeling. The more I wrote, the better I felt. My light was finally lit again, after so long. I enjoyed my quiet time, and sometimes I even wrote when my life wasn’t quiet. 
 After a few more weeks, I decided to further my sharing by starting a blog. I told myself;
            Even if no one reads it, at least this will make you feel okay.
  With the blog started, I just let it flow. Every emotion poured out of me, in the snarky, humorous way that I spoke. The more and more readers I got, the crazier it all got. The feedback was warming my damaged soul. Even when the negative feed back came in, it still meant someone was taking the time out of their day to read what I wrote. 
  Now, two years later writing is my safe space. I was lucky enough to be given a writing prompt journal from my best friend. It’s filled with 300 questions, and space to answer them. They make me dig deep into my emotions, and sometimes they make me laugh. I also journal, for when writing a post, or filling in a prompt just aren’t doing it for me. 

   Self care isn’t the same for everyone. You have to soul search to find out what works best for you. It may take a few tries, but never get discouraged. Practicing self care has made me a better wife, a more patient mom, and truer version of myself. 

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S is a snarky Mom, with a lot to say. This blog covers every thing from an abundant amount of vomit, to things that are just too sticky. You'll find recipes, laughs, and honesty. With a toddler, a dog, and a really patient husband this Mama can accomplish things.