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Thursday, June 15, 2017

Keto Essentials




  Oh man is losing weight after babies hard. When I first got pregnant with Tater I was heavy then I would have liked to be. I didn't workout, and we ate a lot of comfort foods. When I found out I was pregnant I took eating for two quite literally. I ate whatever, whenever. I slowly, but surely turned into a blob I didn't recognize. After Tater I was determined to get that weight off. I did okay for a while... Tried every snake oil out there, but guess what... None of it worked with lasting results. Which I'm totally to blame for. We ate like garbage. Pasta, potatoes, cake.... All of it. I lost myself.
  I tried to sell a product for a while, but after a few months it stopped working, and I ballooned out. I weighed more than I did when I gave birth.... It was horrifying. I hated myself.
  In December of 2016 I had enough... I was so sick of feeling like garbage and looking like it too. I was so unhappy in my own skin. B found this "diet" that I thought was going to fail because the whole premise of it was based on FAT. Eating fat... ALL the fat. I thought he was crazy, but since I would follow this man into the fiery pits of hell, or California I jumped on board.
 Fast forward 5 months. I am down 60 pounds. Sixty. SIX ZERO. All by eating things like bacon, butter, and heavy cream. Everything we know about weight loss is wrong with keto. HERE is the post where I talk about science and all that jazz.
  Every single day I get messages on Instagram about what the hell I'm doing, and why it's working. I love sharing my journey with everyone because I thought I could never lose weight again. One of the main things I'm asked is what are my favorite keto essentials. I have a ton of them that I love, but I want to share my absolute #cnlwtkt (Yep, here I am making hashtags again. This one is Cannot live without these Keto things. Really smooth, right? Word master over here, look out world.)
  These are not things you HAVE to have to do a ketogenic diet, please keep that in mind.

  1. MCT Oil
         MCT oil is a concentrated form of coconut oil. We all know that coconut oil fixes all your problems, so this is like the super glue of oil. This shit is like rocket fuel. When I mix it in my coffee I get a huge boost of energy. Be warned though, if you take too much you will literally shit your pants when you sneeze. No amount of sphincter tightening exercises will save you, friends. I use 1/4 teaspoon in my bulletproof coffee. It will totally keep you regular. ** On a side note, I totally don't recommend using this coconut oil as lube.***
                               Image result for mct oil
  You can buy the brand I use HERE

2. Heavy Whipping Cream
  Lord Jesus, do I love this stuff. You can add it to anything. Literally ANYTHING. It's amazing in coffee, or in dishes. I love making cream sauces to top everything I eat. Literally I would eat anything covered in a cream sauce. Plus if you want a sweet treat, you just whip this up with some powdered peanut butter and call it a day. I always buy the Market Pantry Brand from Target (because I live at Target, and it's always on Cartwheel so you save money!) Honestly if I could bathe in heavy cream I totes would.

3. Kerrygold Butter
  I FUCKING LOVE BUTTER. I feel like I connect to Paula Dean on a spiritual level because of how much I love butter. You can do literally everything with butter. Butter is what holds my dreams up high. Kerrygold butter is a special breed of creamy gold. It's the perfect butter, and believe me when I say I've tried them all. It's creamy, slightly salty, and it's what keto dreams are made of. It's grassfed, and imported from Ireland. This is the end all, be all of butter. Like if it was a person, it would be 2016 Martha Stewart ( I also love post jail Martha.)
Image result for Kerrygold butter
I buy mine at Costco, in a 3 pack!

4. Vegetable Spritzer
  Do you know how many cool things you can do with these bad boys? You can spiralize ANYTHING. Including pepperoni. You can literally make pepperoni noodles. NOODLES MADE OF MEAT. Also zucchini noodles are pretty amazing too. I have the AS SEEN ON TV one, because I am a total sucker for that section in Target. I do have the 10 dollar one because I am so freaking cheap.
Image result for Vegetti
You can buy this HERE

  5. BPI Sports Preworkout
  Preworkout is a struggle for me, because usually the sugar free pre workout tastes like a soggy butthole. Okay, maybe not that dramatic, but it at least tastes like dumpster juice. BPI is 100% Keto friendly, and they have the best flavors. Watermelon and Snowcone are my favorites. Plus they give me insane amounts of energy. Like, INSANE. You can look at the whole line HERE

Image result for bpi sports


 Like I said, these things are totally not needed to do a ketogenic diet, but I find them super helpful. Over the next few weeks I'm going to be doing a series on Keto, and how it's changed my life. I can't wait to share my victories and fails with you all. 

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S is a snarky Mom, with a lot to say. This blog covers every thing from an abundant amount of vomit, to things that are just too sticky. You'll find recipes, laughs, and honesty. With a toddler, a dog, and a really patient husband this Mama can accomplish things.