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Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Decaf...

  *DISCLAIMER: I've determined that I am Leslie Knope, and all the GIFs in this post will be of Amy Poehler and her beautiful face.*

Yesterday some REALLY cool things happened! The post that I wrote about my Love/Hate relationship with Pinterest was on the FRONT PAGE of Denver's hottest Mom blog! I was so excited that I literally jumped for joy! I couldn't believe that my article was good enough for their blog. If you want to check it out, go to the humor section on milehighmamas.com You'll see my face, and my article. It still feels surreal! I'm pretty sure I'm going to rule the world some day.

  Now let's get into today's 'Hot button issue' and by hot button, I mean Keurig button. Everyday I roll my large butt out of bed and slump to the kitchen. I refuse to turn the light on, or acknowledge everything that is going on around me. In a not so graceful manner I "run" to the open arms of my Keurig, Creed. (Yes I named my Keurig after a character from NBC's hit show The Office. My crockpot is Michael G. Scott) I flip up the top of it and delicately place my K-Cup inside the designated compartment. As I close the compartment, I sigh in relief because I know that in 31 seconds I will have 10 ounces of pure happiness.
   I LIVE for my morning cup of coffee. Usually I can get up early enough that the house is still quiet. I can sit at my laptop and enjoy a few moments of silence before the crazy of the day makes its appearance.
  Recently B's work schedule got flipped around. He is working overnight, and it's completely throwing me off...  Instead of working 11am-9pm, he goes in between 7pm-9pm and comes home about 7:30am. I usually got up at 7am when he worked his normal shift. But now I don't fall asleep until almost 2am... and of course this whole week Tater has been up at 6am, totally ready to party.
   I've been running to my Keurig a lot more. Usually I  can get away with two cups a day. Lately it's been more like 5-6, and I'm still a complete zombie. I know, I'm ashamed. I have a problem and I'm refusing to stop. Since my consumption has spiked, I'm using more K Cups, and running out faster. I ran out of my last one yesterday, so I asked B to pick some up on the way home. He (being the amazing man that he is) said absolutely and just asked what kind. I said the "Gevalia Signature Blend, regular...Not decaf" He said 'GOT IT!" and I knew he would be on it the second he got off.
   He came in the door at about 7:38am. I was still in bed with Tater, who was wide awake blowing raspberries on my arm. I kept dozing in and out. I asked B if he brought home the K- Cups, He said yes, gave me a kiss, and got ready for bed. He fell asleep instantly. Tater at that point decided to screech like the world was ending. I picked his cute butt up and moseyed to the kitchen. I knew Creed (again, my Keurig) was waiting for me with a fresh box of K-Cups. Without even thinking to check them, I ripped open the box and threw one of those bad boys in the slot, closed it and hit brew. I then got Tater his breakfast, opened my laptop, poured my creamer, and drank my coffee.
  I knew something was wrong after I finished my cup. Two things were off; I didn't feel it at all, and I didn't have to poop. I figured that the lack of sleep was screwing with my system. I got up and went to make more. I grabbed the cute little cup from the cardboard box and that's when I saw it.... That little green rectangle of utter heartbreak... Decaf.
  I wish this was some sick joke, but it is reality.
                             
 Internally I began to cry, and externally. I felt the steamy tear run down my face. This SUCKED. I had coffee's ugly, twice removed cousin in my house and in my cup. My sweet Keurig had been tainted by the unholiness that is decaf coffee. I know I was completely overreacting, but I could feel my insides shutting down. I just wanted the sweet nectar that is coffee, and instead I had the caffeine equivalent to Kale. Yes, I did indeed just go there.

 After my dramatic reaction to the Decaf (that may or may not have included me laying on the kitchen floor going 'WHY?!') I couldn't help but laugh. So today my husband gets an A for effort. I appreciate him going out of his way to buy me coffee, even if he failed at achieving the right level of caffeine. I still love him, even if he's the reason I drank decaf.

  The moral of this post is to never let your husband buy your K cups, and when they mess up to still love them anyways. Oh, and that there is a time and place for decaf. That time is never, and that place is in the trash.

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S is a snarky Mom, with a lot to say. This blog covers every thing from an abundant amount of vomit, to things that are just too sticky. You'll find recipes, laughs, and honesty. With a toddler, a dog, and a really patient husband this Mama can accomplish things.