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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Mom Labels; which suck.

  If someone had asked me a year ago if I knew the difference between a 'Crunchy' mom or a 'Chewy' mom, I would have thought they were a cannibal. After spending sometime on the Birth Boards, a few facebook pages, and a couple Mom Apps, I finally realized that in this day and age we are no longer just parents. We are labels, and those labels determine if we are good parents or not.
  Being a mom has turned into this shit show battle between Crunchy, Chewy, Sanctimommy, and all sorts of other stupid labels that are just super high expectations to follow. I will be the first to admit that the 'Crunchy Moms' drive me crazy, because in reality they are just Mommy Hipsters( and I'm secretly jealous of their ability to recreate things on pinterest perfectly) Chewy Mom's are labeled as the lazy parents, and SanctiMoms firmly believe that their shit doesn't have a horrible odor. Before I go any further, I want to describe these 3 types of Mom. I don't necessarily believe these things, it's just the stereotypes that are labeled through a few Internet sources.
CRUNCHY MOM: Basically they are mothers that have taken the "Natural" way to parent. They are typically exclusive breast feeders (Nothing wrong with that), baby wearing, cloth diapering, cosleeping, no circumcising, baby- led solids, anti- CIO, anti-vaxxing, home schooling, anti gluten, moms who are terrified of things with preservatives, and don't trust science. They more than likely had a home birth, and probably dehydrated, and encapsulated their placenta themselves. Their Pinterest board is full of DIY cloth diapers, and ways to recycle old furniture. They proudly wear awards for Golden Boobies.
CHEWY MOM: Are often labeled as lazy mom's or working moms/ They aren't afraid of preservatives in food, they vaccinate on time, and some formula feed. Basically it's the exact opposite of the crunchy mom. They are your "Typical" mom who probably packs lunchables, and has nothing against disposable diapers. They do whatever it takes to get the kids fed, and in bed on time, mostly. If things don't go as planned they just roll with the punches.
SanctiMommy: These are the craziest forms of mothers. If you want to be judged, go ahead and join the Sanctimommy Page on Facebook. They don't believe in science, and LOVE to judge anyone who isn't breastfeeding, had an epidural, or is vaccinating. Seriously, one of these LOVELY mothers told me I was poisoning my baby by letting him drink from a bottle. If you aren't following their method of child rearing, you suck and are a failure who deserves to hear it. I really can't accurately describe these women... Click here to see this shit show in action.

  So here I am, a babywearing, wine drinking, fuck saying, formula feeding, bread making, Pintrest creating, Pro-vaxing, circumcising, science believing, first time mom. What the hell does that make me? More importantly, why should I care? I found a way of parenting that works for me, and my family! Who are these strange Internet women to tell me otherwise?
  I have no label other than mom, that is how it should be. This bullshit battle of who is the better parent needs to stop. As long as your child is taken care of, and happy what the fuck does it matter? We should be sticking together as moms because this is a hard battle. We all go through different things everyday, and sometimes we deal with the same things.
 Now with this being said, I'm not going to shoot glitter up your butt if you are clearly making poor parenting choices (like putting a baby bouncer on a kitchen counter). I don't care if you are breastfeeding or formula feeding, I don't care if your other kids eat hot pockets, and if I want to say 'Shit' I'm going to do it. We need to stop battling over who is the better Mom.
                                       We are all parents, that is what should matter.
Here is a wonderful video, that is hilarious and heart warming; and also talks about everything I have.


KEY FOR THE TERMS USED IN THIS BLOG:
Anti-Vaxxing- Parents that aren't vaccinating their crotch fruit
CIO- Cry it out
Baby wearing- when you wear your baby in a Boba, Moby, or other Baby Carrier; often referred to as kangaroo care.
DIY- Do it yourself
Golden Boobies- Moms who breastfeed exclusively for One year

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S is a snarky Mom, with a lot to say. This blog covers every thing from an abundant amount of vomit, to things that are just too sticky. You'll find recipes, laughs, and honesty. With a toddler, a dog, and a really patient husband this Mama can accomplish things.